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Revisiting Lent
Aug. 22nd, 2009 06:11 pmBack for Lent, I gave up self destructive behaviour. It is interesting to think how long that would have lasted if my mother in law had not had a stroke 3 days after Easter. As it was...well, the food as a tool of self-destruction came back within days. But in re-evaluating...not a lot of other things did. OK, staying up too late reading or on the computer came back, too. Yelling, however, has remained surprisingly rare; I realized when I lost my temper with my older daughter last week that I hadn't done so in...weeks? Maybe months?
I've yelled at Charles half a dozen times in the last few months, and the one time I said something truly unfair, I apologized about 90 seconds later. I've been open with myself about what I need, and willing to ask for it. I've used exercise productively and nurturingly.
On the downside, I have been moderately fiscally irresponsible...spending rather more at Walmart than is strictly speaking necessary, and buying books over Amazon more to make myself feel better than because...OK, well OF COURSE I want to read them! And I'm reading them almost as quickly as they arrive, but there are probably still over a hundred books in the house (out of thousands) that I haven't read yet. I am doing a little more "Because I deserve this" spending than I would ideally like.
Today is day 8 of trying to break the carb addiction. It's going surprisingly well. This is far harder than fighting my caffiene addiction--I've been in recovery for caffiene for 6 years, seven months and 22 days. But who's counting? I have to face carbs daily, and I can't like my life without them. I'm not quite secure enough in my sense of control to resume fruit, but that will need to be soon, and then whole grains soon after. Then I hope to go back to purely listening to myself, and avoiding eating self-destructively rather than following a specific diet.
The long term consequences of Lent--better hours, less call, loving my work again--are still blossoming around me. I'm getting a break MONTHLY for the next 4--a weekend in Texas at a SF Convention in Sept, a continuing education conference in Boston in October, a full LARP in November, and vacation with the girls in December. Life is good, all the time.
I've yelled at Charles half a dozen times in the last few months, and the one time I said something truly unfair, I apologized about 90 seconds later. I've been open with myself about what I need, and willing to ask for it. I've used exercise productively and nurturingly.
On the downside, I have been moderately fiscally irresponsible...spending rather more at Walmart than is strictly speaking necessary, and buying books over Amazon more to make myself feel better than because...OK, well OF COURSE I want to read them! And I'm reading them almost as quickly as they arrive, but there are probably still over a hundred books in the house (out of thousands) that I haven't read yet. I am doing a little more "Because I deserve this" spending than I would ideally like.
Today is day 8 of trying to break the carb addiction. It's going surprisingly well. This is far harder than fighting my caffiene addiction--I've been in recovery for caffiene for 6 years, seven months and 22 days. But who's counting? I have to face carbs daily, and I can't like my life without them. I'm not quite secure enough in my sense of control to resume fruit, but that will need to be soon, and then whole grains soon after. Then I hope to go back to purely listening to myself, and avoiding eating self-destructively rather than following a specific diet.
The long term consequences of Lent--better hours, less call, loving my work again--are still blossoming around me. I'm getting a break MONTHLY for the next 4--a weekend in Texas at a SF Convention in Sept, a continuing education conference in Boston in October, a full LARP in November, and vacation with the girls in December. Life is good, all the time.
