Days Off and Other Oxymorons....

[vdansk]

 

Life has been insane lately.    Our NP is going out on maternity leave imminently, one MD in our call group left, another is leaving, the supposed replacement doesn't have her state license yet, AND she may not be doing hospital, in which case...goodbye, personal life.  But I was handling that.  Then my mother fell and broke her arm, and a week later fell again and broke her hip.  She's in a rehab hospital now, and will be for 6-12 weeks.  My siblings and I are alternating visits home, and my first turn is 10 days away.  And I was handling that, too--not graciously, because it's my Mom, I'm 41, and the hormones are amazing, but handling it--until you throw in my day off.

I hate my day off.  Specifically I hate the comingled guilt and love that make me overbook myself to the stage of insanity.

So, today...up early, get Leah ready for school, get Joy up and dressed, check email, go to the Y to exercise, rush through to get Joy out of kidwatch and changed for her swim lesson, encourage her through her first time going under water.  Change clothes, back out into 40's temperature, shopping run for halloween costume and food.  Rush home, feed Joy, make crockpot of soup for supper, let her "help" so that she feels included, barely remember to eat myself.  Take Joy down for her nap and STARE AT THE CEILING FOR OVER AN HOUR.  I finally calmed down enough to fall asleep myself 20 minutes before she woke up.  Then, get up, get her civilized (difficult after the nap, but juice helps), collect Leah from the bus, make sure she has homework and pencil, and take off with both kids to the chiropractor.  Play various singing and numbers games on the way so they don't realize how much time is spent in the car.   Quick trip to Walmart because both girls have outgrown cold weather clothes overnight.  Rush back to YMCA for Leah's swim lesson, arriving with 2 minutes to spare.  Keep a now fretful preschooler occupied while shouting encouragement to 9 year old.  Rush back home, supervise homework, feed everyone supper, get kids to bed.  Change water in fish tanks.  Find iron and iron on troop numbers to Leah's new Junior Girlscout vest--first meeting is tomorrow.  Think of 30 things I didn't accomplish today.  Contemplate crying versus chocolate versus Valium.  Because, honestly, this is as good as my life gets these days.  There were moments today that I will treasure.  There just wasn't any air.