The Winter of the Year

[vdansk]

I was ready to fall comfortably into despair today.  I've been doing a lot of processing on despair, on the spiritual ramifications of winter--that for growth, we, like the seeds, need to fall and break in order to grow anew.   I do believe that the freezes and thaws of life allow us to emerge from spiritual hibernation into pain, and growth, and eventual joy.

I am contemplating the death of an old friend...Kris Spooner, a talented writer and wonderful woman.  About a year and a half ago, i had Jury duty; I wrote a 7 page Pern story, and a 4 page letter to Kris.  And I actually sent it--the letter, not the story.  Although she didn't write back, it didn't bounce, so I believe she got it, and knew I was thinking of her.  And I'm glad, of all my old friends, that she was the one I wrote to that day. 

I'm contemplating the decline of my mother.   The bad times are more often, the good times rarer.  Emotionally, I decided yesterday that we actually lost her in July, when she went into heart failure.  We've had miracles since then, times when we talk to her and she is herself.  It is precious, as a conversation with my Dad would be, who died almost 20 years ago.  If I take every good moment as a gift, not as a hope or a promise, then I think i will get through this.

I was ready for despair today, for the chill of winter to fill my heart for a bit.  Then i looked out my window at the falling snow...and it is beautiful.  And there is, defiantly, hope in my heart, and the seeds of a wild and intemperate joy.

 

Comments

[saxikath]

I'm sorry for your loss -- but glad you have found hope and joy to hold onto as well.

And also very glad to have reconnected with you this year!

[xanath.livejournal.com]

::Hugs::

My mother is getting better by the day, but you probably know what I mean when I tell you it's the last flourish of brilliant leaves on an oak.

When Kris posted on LJ this year, I was ecstatic to hear from her. I hoped she was out of her medical difficulties, and regaining her health (such as it was). But like you, I'm glad I heard from her one more time. I'm glad she posted to my journal.

Phoenix isn't getting snow (we had rain earlier in the week), but we have brilliant, chilly days now. And I love this time of year. In spite of the sadness, I feel there's much to hope for, and reasons to be happy.

[chris-warrior.livejournal.com]

'tid funny, is it not, how very closely Prophecy mirrors life? *hug*

sometimes it's so uncanny it's scary.

and i send you *hugs*

[chris-warrior.livejournal.com]

btw, yay for wild, intemperate joy. :)